Today, our Lord Jesus died. It might be symbolic but it never felt more real than right now. This year, so far has been a year of connecting with God. You can’t understand. Or maybe you can.
Even in the connect, there were times when I was totally disconnected. I strived to pray, everyday. Have a relationship with him and put him first in everything I did. I tried to be kind, watch what I said and be free from sin and all the gory or perhaps prima facie, glory of it all.
The times I would wake up and cry, praying. I wasn’t sad. I wasn’t grieving. I wasn’t mourning. I can’t explain it either.
Letting myself loose in the presence of my saviour.
Times I would really ponder on whether what I wanted was right or was it wrong?
I liked it, the idea. But it wasn’t to be. The struggle to figure out what is right and what is not.
The days I sinned and couldn’t pray.
Feeling like a hypocrite on some accounts but never once ashamed.
I am not ashamed!
The questions I asked myself.
The prayer on my lips,
That has been plaguing my thoughts for a few weeks now.
Thank you Jesus for loving me, even though I am not at all worthy.
We’ve all been there.
Its hard, it’s unsimple, it’s complicated.
Jesus says it doesn’t have to be.
He loves you.
All he wants from you is to love him back.
+ = ♡
Symbols culled from Hillsong United.