Naija Detectives Season One is coming to a close, pretty soon. We’ve got two episodes left and it’s done. So, I decided to do a special. I’ve been searching for inspiration to write Episode Five and after this, I felt all shades of inspiration.
Please, leave comments and tell me your favourite character.
Titilope: Hello guys, welcome to the Naija Detectives Special. With me in the studio, I have the amazing cast of Naija Detectives; Fiona, Remi, Oba, You and JK. Gregory should be here, but he’s missing.
Fiona smiles. She is dressed in her usual ensemble, a black dress with a leather jacket. She is flanked by Oba and Remi at each side. Oba is tapping away at his phone while Remi looks like he can’t be bothered. You are very anxious and are sitting beside Oba. JK is sitting beside You and keeps glancing at his watch.
Titilope: Fiona, who is your favourite out of the lot?
Remi cocks his head and coughs, popping his collar.
Fiona: Everybody but Remi. I can’t pick favourites. Everyone is a darling in their own right.
Remi: Of course.
Fiona: Remi, can you shut it, seriously? Why are you so insufferable?
Remi : But you love it.
Titilope: You, being the newbie, can you tell us your most remarkable experience in your few months of being with the agency?
You: Umm. They are too many. But, I feel like the best is yet to come, you know. I’m starting sole assignment next episode and I am so excited.
Remi: Rookie behaviour. (mimics) I am so excited.
Titilope : Which brings me to you, Remi? My first question for you would be why…
Fiona: Like why do you think you are all that, Remi? Let me tell you now, you’re a great agent, I agree but a shitty person, most of the time. The other time is just me, giving you second chances.
Remi: So much angst, Fi. Ahh. Sorry oh, no vex.
Titilope: As I was saying before Fiona cut in. Why do you keep bullying You? Is it because he upsurped you as the baby of the team?
Remi: As if. It’s the rites of passage. They do it everywhere. If you’ve seen The Game, you’ll know what I mean. At least, I didn’t dye his hair blue.
Titilope: Point taken. Now, JK, we’ve always wondered what your name meant.
Remi: JK Rowlings, obviously.
Titilope: Are you serious?
JK: Why am I here please? I have an important meeting today and if it’s to answer paltry questions such as what JK means, count me out!
Titilope: I apologize, JK. Thank you for honoring our invitation. Henceforth, we promise to ask you serious questions only.
Titilope: Oba, you have been so quiet and glued to your phone.
Oba: Yeah, I mean. No questions were directed at me. So…
Titilope: Let’s fix that, shall we. Oba, what do you do besides being an agent?
Fiona: Ahh. Oba ke? My coconut head overachiever of life.
Oba: Well, I volunteer for a lot of things like charities and stuff. I’m into coding and I teach free coding classes when I’m less busy. I’m also a french and russian translator. Then, there’s the hospital.
Titilope: Wow! You must really have no time for girls.
Oba: (breaks into a smile) Well, I guess I don’t. But…
Oba: There’s this one girl I like.
Remi: It’s a lie! You, Oba, you like a girl. I was already thinking you played for the other team.
Fiona: And even if he does, so what?
Remi: But Fiona, I wasn’t talking to you.
Fiona: Oh, so I don’t have a right to freedom of speech? Because I can certainly inform you of about seven laws that state I do!
You: These two! They are always at each other’s throats. I mean, when Remi is done with me, of course.
Titilope: Guys, guys, focus. This moment is very important. Oba, please go on.
Oba: Well, I like someone but it’s not going to lead anywhere. She likes someone else.
Fiona: She’s not worth it then. Any girl would be lucky to be with you, Oba.
Everyone (even JK): Awwwwwwww
Titilope: Speaking of being with, Fiona, can you tell us anything about your love life?
Fiona: Mostly, the lack of it. He’s never going to see me for who I truly am.
Remi: Lucky dude!
Gregory hurriedly walks in.
Gregory: I am so so sorry. I needed to take care of a few things at the agency.
Titilope: No problem, Gregory. Welcome.
JK: I don’t believe this. Why am I here, please?
Titilope: I was just getting to that. Being the head of the agency, you have worked with a lot of teams. JK, will you say this team is the best you’ve worked with so far?
JK: (scoffs) Which team? These ones?
JK: You all can’t take a joke. For goodness sake! They may not be the best I’ve worked with. But, there’s just something about them. Their team-work is top-notch. I think that’s the most admirable thing about them. Don’t be fooled by the bickering. They are a strong unit and they get the job done.
Fiona stands to hug JK
JK: That’s enough. (He brushes imaginary dirt off his clothes)
Titilope: Moving on, Gregory. I remember, in Episode Two B, you were so aggressive and adamant on Michael Emu being the culprit. What was up with that?
Gregory: (scratches head) Errrm. To be honest, it was my guts but obviously, it was wrong and that happens. Your guts can fail you.
Titilope: Fiona, you kept the card from Episode Three, what’s the plan?
Fiona: Well, keep reading and find out.
Titilope: So, it’s almost the end of the first season. What has been your favourite and worst moments each?
Fiona: Episode three, definitely. The whole of it for favourite moment. Then, worst moment, of course, Laptop Gate. That chief is one of the most insufferable people I’ve ever met.
Remi: Alas! Fiona learnt a new word.
Titilope: Oh Fiona. But, that was a really risky move.
Fiona: Yeah, yeah.
JK: It’s very simple, it’s the risk and reward principle. That’s why they are in very much demand.
Titilope: Noted. Everyone else?
Remi: Worst moment was when I had to be rookie’s driver for an episode. The little rat! Favourite episode, the first. Murders are my kryptonite.
Oba: I’m not sure if I have a worst moment. Favourite moment, none because they were all great.
Remi: Such a nerd.
Fiona: Leave Oba alone.
You: The first episode was definitely the worst. I had such a long day on my first day at work and it had to do with gruesome kills. Gee! Favourite moment was my birthday before it turned sour. I never really got to thank everyone for everything. You guys are great, excluding someone. And, the time I got to work undercover as Lee, minus Remi being my driver.
Remi: That’s obviously because you had a shity time in uni. And ditto!
You: Alright, guys.
Gregory: (phone rings) I have to leave.
Titilope: But we are not finished yet!
He leaves anyway.
Titilope: Sigh. JK?
JK: Seriously? (Leaves as well)
You: I really don’t understand that man.
Fiona: He’s a really sweet person underneath all that gra-gra.
Titilope: Before we wrap this up, does anyone want to give up teasers or expectations of Season Two?
Fiona: (bursts into laughter) The writer is asking the character? Yeah right.
Remi: All I want is a hot chick. Bring a hot rookie to the team next season. Then, it’s going to be lit.
Titilope: Who told you I’m bringing anyone?
Oba: Hopefully, next season, I’ll have more time to visit the hospital.
You: I honestly don’t know. It would be nice to automatically skip all the martial arts classes and become a master.
Titilope: (bursts into laughter) I’m a writer not a magician, silly. But, we’ll see. Any last words?
Fiona: Shout out to TA, one of the avid readers before our writer flopped. Girlll, you rock. Thank you for being a reader of our episodes and I apologise on this shithead’s behalf for not updating.
Titilope: Sighhhh. Don’t badmouth me, I brought you into this world and I can take you out.
Remi: Who cares? Get me a hot chick. That’s all I desire.
Oba: No words.
You: I just hope my sole assignment is great and I get to skip martial arts.
Titilope: There you have it folks, the cast of Naija Detectives Season One. Exclusive to http://www.thesemiwriter.wordpress.com ONLY.
Watch out for Episode Five of Naija Detectives coming soon!