NAIJA DETECTIVES – Episode Four, Part B

The chief stands up in protest.

‘You can not just come and search my shop like that! Biko, this is violation. Laptop, kwa? You want to spoil business for me! What is this nonsense?’

‘We just want to have a little look around and we would be out of your hair in no time’, Fiona explains gently.

I mentally roll my eyes. Fiona is being too nice, legit. We have a warrant, I don’t think we need his permission, honestly. But I’m just the rookie so I take the back seat here and watch it all unfold.

‘Oya, take phone!’, the man gives his phone to Fiona to speak to someone at the other end of the line. 

Fiona sighs but takes it anyway.

‘We have a warrant. With all due respect, it is within our power and in fact duty to do so…. What do you mean?’.



It’s so absolutely annoying! I don’t understand these people or this country. So bloody confusing, to be honest. I’m weak. Before we were able to search the store, bloody problem. After searching, no relevant information or leads! 

And the man had the damn audacity to actually report us, especially ‘the girl with the dada hair’ being me, for our brash conduct. What the hell! I was so nice and super agreeable.

JK literally bashed me. The irony. I want him to hold me in his arms, not scold me like a baby. 

I chuckle.

Talking about arms, he certainly looked as fine as hell today. And his toned arms, in that sleeveless jumper made my day!

Fiona, stop acting like a school girl with a crush!

Hold that thought. 

But damn crushes.

Someone clears their throat behind me.

It’s Remi. Uggh. 

‘Mama Fiona, who is the unfortunate person you are crushing on o? Let me tell them sorry’, he bursts into laughter.

I mentally face-palm, I had no idea I was thinking aloud.

‘Remi, are you really messing with innocent, seer me this sweet afternoon?’, I smile sweetly, subtly threatening.

‘Don’t do what you’re thinking. Don’t even try it!’. 

‘Good boy, now bye!’, I blow him a kiss. 

You, watching it all unfold burst into laughter, much to Remi’s chagrin.

Rookie, he barked.

The internet is still bustling with tweets, posts and more, #BringBackOurGirlsPartTwo’s campaign is never ending, at more than two thousand tweets per minute. Many organisations have pledged support for Nigeria in cracking this, also the international community continues to support the cause as more and more influencers show their support. 
I’m so uncomfortable with this #BringBackOurGirlsPartTwo saga and us, not being on this case. It has become such a national issue, I would rather be doing that than Laptop gate. 

I type the hashtag into my search engine. Oh wow! This is officially an international crisis, I mutter. 


Fiona stops me as I walk into the office. ‘So how did you do?’, she asks. ‘How did I do what?’, I ask her in turn. ‘ Don’t play stupid, silly. You know what I mean, your progress assessment’. 

‘Oh that’, I scratch my head, finally understanding. Lord knows how she knows these things.

‘I got my e-mail this morning and I actually have been doing not bad. I’ve made really good progress on most of my categories except self defence’. ‘Martial arts?’, she asks. ‘Martial arts, to be exact. You guessed right’.

And my first sole assignment is coming up. I explain all this to Fiona. She is definitely much more excited about it than I am. Typical Fiona! 

‘About martial arts, the instructors are pigs so its always hard at first. Don’t beat yourself up. My first sole assignment was a bomb though. It was so awesome. I got to go undercover in a drugs mission, find out where the drugs were coming from and going to. Basically an information mole for them to bust the whole operation. Do you want me to read JK or Gregory to find out your sole assignment?’

‘Yes, yes, please’, I plead.

‘Dreams haha’.


So they are protesting about this in the capital already. I scroll down my Twitter feeds. But no, Laptop flipping gate is our problem. And we wonder how Trump became president? I tried to talk to Gregory to at least give us, me an angle to this. He didn’t listen. Told me we weren’t done fixing Laptop gate so I should ‘deal with that’. 

Fiona knocks.

‘Check Channel 55, I think we may have a lead on Laptop Gate’. 



And I knocked the smug face off his stupid face. It’s funny how the last time we were here, he didn’t want to shut up but now, he’s as meek as a mouse. Ha ha. Telling me how sorry he was and uncooperative, because he knows very well that an action would be brought and he could be an added party. I’m sure you’re wondering how we got here. A certain part of the country has been trying to secede for a while and has been causing trouble. Apparently, one thing led to another and led to Laptop Gate because a ‘fighter’ decided to take it upon himself to our explosive devices in the laptops to show them ‘how serious we are’. I would say the heart of man is desperately wicked but that should be Rookie’s choice of words because I’ve seen worse. Way worse.

‘See you in court, Chief’.


The whole nation is still shocked from the recent kidnapping scandal of three daughters of prominent business men in the country. Aimed to become another Bring Back Our Girls Saga, everyone flew into action, with the international community tailing behind. However, more scandalous was the news that it was all a joke. Apparently, the three daughters of the leading business men were just joking and didn’t think it would escalate quickly. In an apology letter issued openly to the whole nation. They admitted being ‘careless, callous, irresponsible, childish and didn’t stop to think once of what outcome their actions might bring’. There have been no further comments.

My name is Kolade Johnson. Reporting, Ocean Tv.

(Lol. I was in a super hurry to be done with this episode so its not the best. It was dragging on for so long and I just had to just deal with it! We are officially two episodes away from the end of Naija Detectives Season One. It’s a bitter-sweet thing for me tbh. I can’t wait to start Season Two and bring new characters, more crime and more and more action)


Love Isn’t A Projectile Motion

So, I stumbled on this piece while going through old emails. I remember writing this for my friend, Chiamaka’s blog. I was probably in Ss1 or Ss2 ( 10th / 11th grade). It’s a real classic from TSW Archives. I made some edits but nothing major. It was called, ‘Five Genuine Reasons Your (Teen) Fling Isn’t Love’, I guess I was an angry little girl or maybe I had great insight.

Few days ago, I was revising physics when I stumbled upon something. It really made me counter love and teenage flings, in general. Flings in this context do not mean anything in The Oxford Dictionary. I mean casual, deep maybe, teen relationships. Teen ‘love’ is just cliché. Think about it, two teens fall in something, call it love, fall out of it, call it a break up then either pretend to be okay when its really awkward or do it the boss way – severe all ties! Lol
 I’m not even going to be cynical or feminist. I’m not a woman activist! All I want to show you is Five Genuine Reasons Why Your Teen Fling Isn’t Love. That’s all !

1. Love isn’t about Two People

The love that Bella Swan & Edward Cullen had, Rachael & Mike Ross have, Olivia & Jake will have.. Its not just about them. For Beldward, its about thousands of vampires and humans who will conjugate after them, Millions of lawsuits that Ross & Rachael will fight off, America that Olivia Pope is fixing! With the teen fling, its always about you and your’s at the detriment of other people who actually mean much to you or need you. Ever decided to celebrate you and your teen hunk’s day at an orphanage or you both simply telling or showing someone else you really love them? I thought so too.

Love isn’t Painful

I laugh when I hear people say you have to cry when you’re in love. Listen up people, love is supposed to be amazing. It shouldn’t make you feel crappy, worthless or unwanted. Love isn’t all flowers and fairytales but it’s so much deeper than crying, feeling guilty and sad. It’s ultimately twice as deep as you’re thinking right now.

3. Love Isn’t Beneath The Surface, only.

I love my theories cause they aren’t proved by anyone and its still the real deal. Have you ever seen people in love? It’s like Disney world. They’re smiling, cheerful, joyful and what-not! They’re excessively beaming and its like ‘Oh, I’m happy cause I’m in love’. 

PS – Seventeen year old me slightly disagrees with the above. It’s not always like Disney World but definitely, chocolate after a hard day. It’s the ability to come up after going through so much that’s just breath-taking. You would cry, sometimes but yours would cry with you or wipe your tears or just be there for you. 

One noticeable thing about love is it doesn’t hide itself. You would want to show your’s to the world!  While teenage flings affect ONLY deep inside of you, you react to true love on the surface too.

4.Love Is Making Sacrifices and Compromise 

Previously, it was called Love Isn’t Entirely Making Sacrifices, now I feel like love is about making all the sacrifices and compromise too. In a typical teenage affair, its common place to sacrifice one thing or the other for yours. Though, sacrifices exist in the real thing, they do not always hold ground. Sacrifice is not the only basis for love, adjustment is, compromise is. Love doesn’t entirely mean sacrifices, its more like making it work even if sacrifices won’t be made. It’s an ‘it takes two to tango’ thing

5. Love isn’t a Projectile Motion

For non-physics students, a projectile motion is that with which an object travels through air with no motive power of its own but with gravity and air resistance alone. Love isn’t that. Teen flings are just that. Think about it. Teen flings are bounded by rules, regulations, codes, laws all set up by your friends, parents, society, expectations, people around you, you and the object of your teenage desire. Its the same in every variation. Your ‘rule setters’ are just like gravity and air resistance. But love, the real deal, it has its own controls, it holds its own reins, powers its own battle ship. It doesn’t depend on any idea or thing. It differs. That’s true love, people!

It’s a lot to process, I know right. I was hardly fourteen when I wrote this. It’s funny how I now disagree with some of the things I felt so strongly about. That’s what growth does. I’ve definitely evolved since then, far more than you can imagine. It’s not my intention to belittle anyone or their relationship. It would be hypocritical to do that as I believe in love, whenever, however, teenage, or not. I’m just a seventeen year female writer putting up a three year old article. 

100 Things I’m Grateful For

The irony of this post is that when I wrote this post, I was anxious, I was worried, nervous, maybe sad even. But seeing a post on made me realize that I had more than enough to be grateful for. It inspired me to see the light at the end of the many tunnels. It will all end in praise. 

  1. God in my life
  2. Faith
  3. My mum
  4. My two sisters
  5. My dad and Gramps 
  6. My dog, Spikey
  7. My cousins
  8. My uncles and aunties
  9. Lipstick
  10. University
  11. Books, mushy books
  12. Scandal
  13.  crush 
  14. Love 
  15. James Bond
  16. My bestie
  17. AJ 
  18. My squad 
  19. International law 
  20. My blog
  21. Hans and Rene
  22. Uber 
  23. Instagram
  24. My writing
  25. Hair! especially the fro
  26. Colour black 
  27. The gift of the holy spirit
  28. Sweet things 
  29. Sweet potatoes
  30. Wattpad
  31. C Just Me’s stories
  32. Pork and Bacon 
  33. Breath
  34. Kelloggs Cornflakes 
  35. Scarries – Fried plantain, sweet potatoes, yam, akara. The akara is too oily though 
  36. Fried stew that I make in school every Sunday.
  37. Times I spent with Cookie and Coco last year
  38. Nature
  39. Flowers 
  40. John Legend 
  41. French
  42. France
  43. Pastry 
  44. Macaroons
  45. Switzerland
  46. The Word For Today 
  47. Nail polish 
  48. Faux nails 
  49. Coloured weave 
  50. A roof over my head, at all times
  51. Strength 
  52. Insight and foresight 
  53. Tower of David 
  54. Cooking 
  55. Songs 
  56. The United Nations
  57. Snapchat
  58. Hersheys
  59. Ice Tea
  60. Dettol Cool
  61. Dudu Osun
  62. Coconut Oil
  63. Yoga and exercise 
  64. My transcripts 
  65. Education 
  66. Enthusiasm 
  67. A phone 
  68. Wikipedia
  69. Skinny Girl In Transit
  70. Ndani Lifestyle
  71. Non Nigerian food! 
  72. The cold and the heat 
  73. Prayers 
  74. Glasses and sunglasses
  75. Shoes
  76. Everyone of my blog readers
  77. Contact lenses
  78. Creative Writing 
  79. Ideas
  80. Art
  81. Fashion and modelling 
  82. Expensive things
  83. Zig Ziglar and Jack Canfield
  84. ATS 2017
  85. Socks
  86. Prayer meeting 
  87. Spaghetti
  88. Glee
  89. My voice 
  90. The little things I love so much
  91. The things I can and can’t do without 
  92. That I can scream and shout 
  93. Hope
  94. Lea Michele
  95. Dwayne Johnson
  96. YouTube 
  97. Marvel Comics
  98. Tears, yes I’m grateful For tears. Sometimes, there’s such a great feeling of emotion, good or bad and the best reaction is to cry.
  99. Real, true, authentic happiness. In as much as its a foreign word these days, I’m trusting God so much that 2017 would be that year.
  100. I’m grateful for me, every aspect of me; good or bad, I’m grateful for my perks and nils, for my good times and bad times, I’m grateful for my past, present and my future. I’m grateful for times when I’m hurt and can’t think. I’m grateful for my best days. I’m grateful for All of Me.